Today is the Big Day for Nationals phenom Steven Strasburg. Here are a few of the ways he spent it while waiting for 7:05 to roll around:
Plugged the Gulf oil spill.
Captured Osama bin Laden.
Performed open heart massage on a man he saw on the side of the road while driving to the park.
Threw a baseball so fast a wormhole opened up so he could go back in time and stop Pearl Harbor. (Thanks to the Show Tunes Correspondent for pointing this out.)
Successfully explained quantum mechanics to George W. Bush.
We’ll update this report as soon as we hear what he did after lunch.
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