A Modest Proposal

The Designated Hitter has been the bane of all right-thinking people since its inception in 1973. I was only 17 then, and, contrary to the idea that my callowness would make such an exciting innovation cool and groovy, I hated it with a passion rivaled only by my hatred for the Cleveland Browns and Philadelphia Flyers. I never have been in favor of getting something for nothing, and the DH is nothing but that.

Since then it’s become a cluster fuck. Minor league games played under different rules in each city (depending on whether the parent club was playing Real Baseball or overhand fast pitch) morphed into World Series games with different rules depending on year or site, and into regular season games played under house rules as the apostasy of inter-league play gained momentum. Now we’re stuck with it, like an inoperable brain tumor: the Players’ Association won’t let MLB get rid of it because DHs are higher paid than the utility men who would replace them. (Those who argue the National League should give in and adopt the DH are taking the side of adding a brain tumor to the one that can’t removed. How’s that gonna help?)

Here’s my simple, elegant solution, one that captures the best elements of Real Baseball while allowing the simple-minded DHers their little gimmick: pitchers do not have to come out of the game when they’re hit for. The pinch hitter has to come out (unless it’s part of a two-for-one switch), but the pitcher can stay.

Pitchers would still bat once in a while. No point in wasting a bat off the bench when there are two out and on one on, or if you want to sacrifice the pitcher anyway. The decision points—and delightful elements for second-guessing, which is why people watch baseball in the first place—will come when the pitcher’s spot leads off an early inning, and you’d like to get someone on base with the top of the order coming up. Would managers walk the eight hitter as often, knowing the pitcher might not have to bat? How about bases loaded two outs, fourth inning?

Managers couldn’t do this too often, lest they not have a bat left late in the game when the game is on the line. It would also keep so many teams from carrying twelve or thirteen pitchers, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing, either.

Like I said, it will never happen. Which probably means it’s a pretty good idea.